


Take Care of Her

by ImagineRedwood



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Coping, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Family Fluff, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Multi, Widowed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 07:38:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17076122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImagineRedwood/pseuds/ImagineRedwood
Summary: Request: "Could you write about being Kozik's old lady and being his best friend and him telling you that you need to stay with samcro and be close with happy if he dies on one of these runs and ironically he dies on a run he's assigned. Happy is usually the stoic killer he is but makes an exception for you after finding out about Koz. You too get closer and he moves in to keep an eye on you so you don't do something stupid or hurt yourself."





	1. Chapter 1

“But I don’t want to go over there. I want to stay here and be waiting for you when you come back.”   
“I know baby, but it’s better for you to be with them. This run is gonna be a dangerous one, I might not come back from it. You know I'm always honest with you and I never hide anything from you. I’ve got a bad feeling about this one. We’ve made a lot of enemies. I want you as close to my brothers in SAMCRO as possible. I trust them and I know that no one will keep you safer than Happy. Please don’t argue with me on this. You’re going to Charming.” 

You looked at him pleadingly but nodded your head defeated.

“If that’s what you want.”   
“It is.”   
“Then I’ll go, but I won't like it.”   
“I know babe but it's for the best. If I don’t make-”   
“Shut up. You will.” 

He reached out and grabbed your arm, pulling you up from the bed and into his arms.

“How long do I have to be there?”   
“Well this run is about a month of going around everywhere in Arizona and Nevada, plus riding time and just figuring shit out. Let’s just say about 2 months.”   
“I can’t be away from you for that long Koz, you’re my best friend.” 

He heard your voice crack and closed his eyes. 

“Please don’t do that babe. Don’t make this harder on me.” 

You sniffed but nodded, still not pulling away from his chest.

“Fine.“  
"Thank you.”   
“Welcome.”   
“Don’t sound so sad.”   
“I can’t help it. You know I don’t like being around new people.”  
“Happy’s not new.”   
“No, but everyone else is. He’s not going to let me trail around behind him like a puppy. Who am I supposed to have close to me?”   
“I’m sure there are some Old Ladies that will hang out with you. You’ll make friends.” 

You shook your head and buried your face into his chest, not wanting him to see you cry.

“Whatever. Just come back to me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So you want me to keep an eye on her?”   
“Yeah man, if you don’t mind. I trust you more than anyone else Hap. I know that you’ll keep her safe and protect her. This run is serious shit. If I don’t make it back from this, I need to know that you’ll be-”   
“You’ll be fine.”   
“But if I’m not, I need you to be there for her. She doesn’t like new people and she doesn’t like being alone. She knows you and she’s comfortable with you but the others are strangers. Just…just promise me you’ll take care of her, protect her.” 

Happy nodded and pulled Kozik in for a hug. 

“With my life.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ok baby, I think that’s everything. Rent’s paid for the month, fridge and pantry are full and all the electricity is hooked up. Your last box should get delivered tomorrow, then everything will be here. Happy will come by later and pick you up, take you to their clubhouse.” 

You nodded but said nothing, knowing that he would be leaving soon. You walked closer to him and wrapped your arms around his middle, pressing your cheek against his chest. 

“Do you have to go?”   
“We’ve been over this babygirl. Yes, I have to go. The club needs me.”   
“I need you.” 

He hugged you tighter and rested his chin on the top of your head. 

“I know but, I just need to do this.”   
“Yeah. The club comes first.” 

You angrily pushed away from him and turned your back, walking to the kitchen on your new apartment. He followed you.

“Don’t be like that. You knew what this was when you got involved with me.”   
“Yeah, but you said that you went on random runs for a couple days, maybe a week and then you would come home. You never said anything about abandoning me for 2 fucking months.”  
“I’m not abandoning you. I don’t like this any more than you do alright? You think I want to have to leave you with someone else because I won’t be around to protect you? I can’t believe-” 

Kozik stopped speaking and closed his eyes as he took a deep breath.

“Look, I don’t want to fight with you on my last day. I have to go and I’m going. That’s it. I’ll be back before you know it.” 

He walked right up to you, grabbing the sides of your face in his large hands and making you look at him. 

“I want to remember you happy, not sad and pissed off at me. Let’s go watch a movie and cuddle until I have to leave.“ 

You lowered your eyes and nodded lazily. 

"Okay.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were drifting off when you heard the sound of a motorcycle. Your eyes snapped open as you thought that maybe it was Kozik leaving but you saw him sitting beside you asleep as well. You shook him awake and he looked down at you with a tired smile before looking to the door as he heard the bike. 

“It’s Hap.” 

He pulled his arm from around you and stood up. He went to the door and opened it, smiling as he saw his brother coming up the steps.

“Thanks man. I really appreciate this.” 

Happy clapped his hand on Kozik’s back with a nod. 

“No problem.”

They both came into the apartment and saw that you were fully awake now, the sad and worried expression returning to your face. 

“I’m gonna head out babe. Happy will wait here while you get ready, then he’ll take you to the clubhouse. They’re having a little party tonight so you can get to know everyone, have a couple drinks and let loose. You’re too stressed lately.” 

You nodded silently and walked over to him wrapping your arms around his neck. You hugged him tightly and he pressed a passionate kiss to your lips, Happy looking down at the floor, not wanting to be in your business. Kozik pulled away first, much to your dismay and patted your butt lightly. 

“Go. Get dressed and have fun. I love you.”   
“I love you too." 

He waited until you closed the door of the bedroom to speak. 

"Hap brother, she’s probably gonna be more to herself tonight, not wanting to intrude or anything. I ain’t saying to babysit her all night but just…you know, try to get her to talk to someone, even if it’s just Gemma. She gets kinda down easily, I don’t want her to hole herself up in that apartment for 2 months withering away.” 

Happy nodded. 

“I will. I already talked to some of the Croweaters, Lyla, Tara. They said they’ll hang out with her.” 

Kozik nodded and walked to the door, grabbing his bag and leaving.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You’d been in Charming for about 3 days now and were slowly starting to get used to it. You missed Kozik like crazy and were wondering how you were supposed to be without him for a whole 2 months but you stayed strong and busy, finding things to do to get your mind off of it. You were hanging up a couple of pictures on the walls when your cell rang. You picked it up and saw it was Skin, a brother of Kozik’s from Tacoma.

“Hello?”   
“Hey kid. It’s Skin.”   
“Hey, what’s up.” 

There was a deafening silence. 

“We went out to handle some shit today and it didn’t go as planned. There were way more guys than we thought. We got ambushed and we tried to take out as many as we could. One of them was aiming at Lee, Koz jumped in front. I’m sorry sweetheart. He didn’t make it.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Baby…baby, wake up. Come on Y/N, get up.” 

You grumbled and slowly opened your eyes. Looking up, you saw Gemma sitting on your bed next to you. 

“What.”   
“You gotta get up baby. It’s 3 in the afternoon.” 

You closed your eyes and tried to cover your face but she grabbed onto your blanket and pulled it off of you. 

“Nope. Get up. Let’s go.” 

She grabbed onto your upper arm and pulled, your body coming up off the bed. 

“Up. Happy’s gonna be here soon to pick you up and get you to the clubhouse.”

You nodded and sniffled, your nose still stuffy from crying yourself to sleep the night before. Your face felt tight from the dried tears and you pushed your hair behind your ear, looking up at Gemma. 

“I’d rather just stay in today.”   
“Yeah, I know. The same way you have for the last 5 days. You need to leave the house sweetheart. He wouldn’t want this for you. He wouldn’t want you withering away in bed.” 

You nodded, knowing that she was right. Kozik would crawl out of his grave if he knew that you were refusing to leave the house. Part of you was still stuck on the thought that maybe he’d come home and tell you that it was just a joke. A test to see your loyalty. Instead, that hadn’t happened and after the long ride back to Tacoma, you’d had the funeral yesterday.

When you came back, all of SAMCRO had insisted that someone stay the night with you. You’d been more than a mess lately and they didn’t want you to be alone right after having to bury your Old Man. You’d refused over and over until Happy had told you he was staying. He hadn’t asked though, he just pushed his way into your house as you tried to close the door and refused to leave. Eventually, you’d just gone to bed and let everything out. You weren’t sure how long you’d stayed up crying but you had fallen asleep that way.

“Where’s Happy?” 

Gemma smiled, glad that you had at least one person that you felt comfortable around. She knew that you found comfort in him, although neither of you would admit it. She’d caught you in Hap’s arms multiple times, enjoying the comfort from his hugs. At times it was awkward, no doubt, but it was a hug no less and that was exactly what you needed. Then within a minute or so, you would pull yourself away and walk off as if nothing had happened, Hap doing the same. She knew that Kozik trusted Hap more than anyone else to take care of you and so did she.

“He had to go in to take care of something this morning. He called me and told me to come stay with you until he’s done. Then he’ll come get you and take you to the clubhouse. You can help me do some shopping for Sunday dinner.” 

You nodded and stood, heading into the bathroom to take a shower. 

“He will be here in about 30 minutes to pick you up.” You nodded and closed the door without a word.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You stepped out of your bedroom and walked towards the kitchen, pulling open the cabinet. 

“You ready yet?” 

You slammed the door closed and grabbed onto your chest, turning and leaning your back against the counter. 

“Jesus Christ! Can you make some noise at least?” 

Happy’s face stayed the same. 

“Are you ready?” 

You sneered as he repeated himself and turned away from him. 

“I don’t want to go. I want to be by myself.”   
“You need to get out of the house.” 

His voice left no room for argument and you relented, roughly grabbing your purse. 

“Fine.” 

He walked up closer to you and leaned against the counter beside you. 

“I told my brother that I would look after you so that’s what I’m going to do. I ain’t gonna let you rot away. He wanted me to take care of you and I will, whether you want me to or not. You were special to him and you’re special to Tacoma. We all love you. So cut the shit.”

 

You felt your anger dissipate and you hung your head down. 

“I know. Sorry I’m being such a bitch.” 

Hap chuckled and motioned to the door. 

“You’re dealing with a lot. It’s expected.” 

You nodded and started walking to the door, locking up behind you and making your way to his bike. 

“A couple of the Old Ladies are gonna be there today. They want to meet you.” 

You nodded and got on the bike behind him. 

“Hap?”  
“Yeah?”   
“Thank you for putting up with me and being such a good friend.” 

He said nothing for a second but nodded. 

“Always.” 

With that, he started up the bike and you were off to the SAMCRO clubhouse.


	3. Chapter 3

“So how’s the girl doing?” 

Hap nodded once then shrugged. 

“She’s holding on. I don’t seem to be any help.”   
“Why you say that?”   
“I don’t know how to help her. She needs a type of comfort that I ain’t the one to give. Crying and emotions aren’t my thing. I know Kozik’s rolling in his grave but this girl is about to make me give up on her.”

The Scotsman nodded and drank from his beer as Happy did the same. Both men continued to stare forward from their seats at the bar, both thinking about what Hap had said and knowing it was a lie. Chibs knew well enough that Hap would never walk out on you. He also knew that Happy’s biggest fear was being helpless and that was exactly how he was feeling. He was upset at himself, not you.

You’d been in Charming going on 3 weeks and it was obvious that things were not looking up any for you. You’d gotten more secluded, rarely coming to the clubhouse and leaving within an hour whenever you did come. It wasn’t anything personal against the SAMCRO guys and they knew that you were just trying to get used to too much at once. You missed Kozik. You missed Tacoma. You missed the Sons over there that were your family. You knew the guys here would treat you like family as well but it wasn’t the same. You barely knew anyone's name and had interacted with even less. They left you alone for the most part, a simple smile or soothing hand on the back here and there to show you that they were there for you. The only one that refused to leave you alone was Happy. You didn’t mind that as much as you knew him and were comfortable but lately, the two of you had been hitting sort of a wall.

It seemed like Happy was expecting you to just get over Kozik and move on and your inability to do so was seeming to bother him. Your coping mechanism lately was just to be rude and it had seemed to be working. You knew it wasn’t the right way to handle things but you needed your space and no one would give it to you unless you were a bitch. Due to your attitude, Happy’s patience had been rather short with you lately and last night had ended with him raising his voice at you, asking you what you wanted from him and you throwing a plate at him, telling him to fuck off. He’d done as you asked, leaving with the slam of your front door and you’d cried yourself to sleep with a bottle of booze for the thousandth time since you’d been here.

“Maybe you should just ask her what she wants. Ask her what she needs to feel better. Then you give it to her.”

Happy said nothing just continued to drink and Chibs continued to talk, knowing he was onto something. 

“The girl is broken. You need to be patient. She lost her man, got moved with people she doesn’t know and is stuck being unhappy. The only person she’s got is you. You can’t be giving up on her. Not now.” 

Hap looked over at his brother, knowing he was right. 

“Just talk to the lass. Be gentle. Go to her. Now.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Y/N?” 

You slowly raised your head up off the bed, trying to find the voice. 

“Yeah?” 

Hap’s eyebrows furrowed at the sound of your raspy, confused voice. He followed your voice into your bedroom where found you face down, a half-empty bottle of Patron on the bed beside you. He swallowed and tried to push down the guilt of knowing he had pushed you to drink. The last couple days you stayed away from alcohol entirely but leave it to him to set you back. Hap sent up a silent apology to his brother and walked towards you, sitting in the bed beside you.

“How are you feeling?”   
“I have a headache.” 

Happy winced and looked down. 

“Listen uh, I thought that I…last night was a little…I’m uh, sorry. I’m sorry. For yelling at you and making you do, this.” 

Hap motioned to the bottle after spitting out his apology and you nodded. 

“It’s ok. I’m sorry too. I’ve been difficult and a royal bitch lately, I know. Things are just,” 

Hap looked away from you as your voice cracked and your eyes began to fill with tears. His immediate reaction was to get up leave but what Chibs had said to him earlier kept repeating in his head. 

“Do…do you want me to like, hold you?”

You hiccuped and nodded. 

“Please?” 

Hap nodded and took off his shoes and cut, climbing into the bed beside you. He wrapped the blanket around you, half to keep you warm and half to form a barrier. You were still Kozik’s girl, whether he was here or not, and he wasn’t going to be pressed up against you. He rested his head against the pillow and awkwardly held out his arm, waiting for you to come to him.

You did, resting your head on his chest and cuddling up into his side. His arm came down and held you, his hand hovering careful not to touch you anywhere inappropriate. Finally, it settled in the middle of your back and held you to him. In no time, he felt your breathing slow and you were back to sleep already. Happy stayed awake though, staring at the ceiling wondering when you would be happy again and why this felt so good.


	4. Chapter 4

“What do you think baby? Apple or cherry pie?” 

“Why not both?” 

She smiled and nodded, Jax nodding as well as he walked into the kitchen. 

“Yeah mom, why not both?” 

He placed his arm over your shoulder and pressed a kiss to the side of your head, a small smile coming to your face. 

“ I can make one and you make the other?” Gemma nodded and looked at Jax. 

“You gonna help out or just stand there and supervise?” 

You laughed and looked up at him, his shoulders shrugging. 

“Just making sure you guys don’t need help or anything but you seem to be getting on fine so I’ll just head out.”

He pulled his arm off of you and smirked at the look his mother gave him before walking back into the dining room with the rest of his brothers. You and Gemma chuckled together and divided up the pie crusts to begin making dessert. Everyone had just finished dinner and now you were getting dessert done for later. Gemma didn’t believe in buying her deserts, nor did she believe in making them ahead of time so they could sit around all day. You’d learned that when you’d asked her what she wanted you to bring when she’d invited you to her family dinner for the 3rd time and you’d finally accepted and she told you not to bring anything. So you’d volunteered to help her. It was the first one you’d been to since your now 2 months in Charming.

Time had begun to fly once you’d tried to associate more with the club. It wasn’t easy and you still had your days where all you did was cry and lash out anyone that got too close, which was usually Happy, but you’d been trying and everyone seemed to appreciate that. He’d been much more gentle after the first month when you’d gotten into that fight. Also after holding you until you fell asleep that night and seeing how it had helped you, it had become an almost nightly occurrence.

You’d go around the clubhouse for a little bit and then wait for Hap at home. Of course on days where he had to stay around the clubhouse late, he’d stay the night there but for the most part, he’d began to stay in your house and 2 weeks ago he’d decided to move in with you to take better care of you and be around more. He’d filled you in on the fact that that had been the original plan that Kozik had left in place and so you’d agreed, not that he would’ve taken no for an answer. In that time, you’d gotten closer to not only his brothers over here but Gemma and Tara, even making small talk with some of the croweaters. You’d been doing much better lately and we’re starting to feel a little less out of place.

Tacoma called often, just to check up on you and see if you needed anything but you’d assured them you were fine. Your homesickness had lessened, though still present, you were beginning to get used to the idea of Charming being your home but you still wondered when you’d go back to Tacoma. You didn’t ask Happy but it was a question that was always at the back of your mind. For now, you’d enjoy your time here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You’d just said your goodbyes and placed your purse on your shoulder when you felt someone’s hand on your back. You turned to see Happy. 

“I was thinking we could go for a ride maybe. Before we go home. If you want, we don’t have to. I just…Kozik said you like to ride at night.” 

You smiled and nodded. 

“Yeah. I like to see the stars.” 

He nodded and tilted his head towards the door. 

“We can go now.”

You walked out of Gemma’s house and down her driveway towards Hap’s bike, taking the helmet from him and placing it onto your head. 

“Where you wanna go?” 

Your shoulders shrugged as you looked at him. 

“Doesn’t matter. Away from the city is best, you can see the stars better.” 

Happy nodded and hopped on his bike, you getting on behind him and he took off. You looked up at the sky as he drove along the highway, the stars glittering in the night sky. You felt calm and relaxed, your head leaning forward to rest against Happy’s back.

The smell of leather and his cologne circled you and your eyes closed. You felt happier around him. Safe. You thought about Kozik every day but you didn’t cry yourself to sleep every night anymore and that was all because of Happy. He made you feel more like yourself. You enjoyed being around him and that happiness he brought you. If you were being honest, he was the main reason why you hadn’t gone back to Tacoma. You didn’t want to have to be without him too. You knew at some point, things were going to change and you were going to be separated but for the time being, you would enjoy the time you had with him like going for this ride.


	5. Chapter 5

“It’s alright here. I mean it’s not home yet but it’s not too bad.” 

You messed around with the hem of your shirt as you held the phone to your ear. Donut was calling from Tacoma just to check on you and see how you were holding up like he did multiple times a week. He hadn’t brought up leaving Charming in a little while but he’d started hinting at it again this time, asking how you liked it over there and if you wanted to leave. You assured him you were fine but the more you thought about it, the more you slowly began to feel your sense of homesickness coming back.

“How is everyone over there?”   
“We’re good. We miss you.” 

The news made you smile gently. 

“Are you going to come over with Hap at least? Just pay us a visit?” 

Your smile faltered as you realized what he said. 

“Happy’s going over there?” 

Donut hesitated for a moment, realizing that Happy must’ve not told you yet. 

“Uh, Yeah. He’s coming down on a run for a week. Help us get some shit done. Thought you might want to come with him. He leaves tomorrow.” 

You couldn’t help but feel a little upset that Happy hadn’t told you yet. If you were being honest, you could understand that maybe he didn’t want you to know since he was going on club business but it couldn’t have been that much of a secret if Donut had told you.

Happy had become very close to you in your time together. You’d been friends for a while, knowing him from Tacoma before he went Nomad but you’d definitely developed since you’d been in Charming. It was almost as if you had become his Old Lady, washing his clothes, cooking him meals. He told you about his days, vented to you about shit with the club to make you feel still in the loop, you even slept in the same bed still. Apart from any intimate affection, pretty much everything else about your building relationship was similar to how a couple would be.

It had already been nearly 6 months since you’d moved to Charming and he’d been relatively open with you, telling you as much as he could without getting you involved with things that he wasn’t sure Kozik would’ve wanted you to be involved in. He knew that Kozik had always told you everything and he knew that keeping you in the dark so suddenly would more than likely push you back to Tacoma. You were a strong and independent woman, even more so now that you’d slowly began to move on from the mourning of your Old Man’s death. You’d slowly been gaining back your confidence and going back to the old you, but as he’d heard from Kozik, the old you wasn’t very submissive when you wanted answers. So he’d talked to you as if you were his Old Lady, telling you nearly everything. The fact that he’d kept this run from you didn’t make sense.

You continued to talk on the phone with Donut until you heard Happy’s bike pull into the driveway. 

“I’m gonna let you go. He just got home.”   
“Ok. I would tell you not to tell him that I told you but I know that you will anyways so goodnight.” 

You laughed together and then hung up the phone, Happy’s keys jingling in the door. As he walked in, you tried to relax your body language and remind yourself that realistically he didn’t need to tell you anything, he just chose to. You didn’t want to be abrasive about it and then have him shut you out.

He looked over at you sitting on the couch and smiled gently as he saw you watching your favorite movie. Locking the door and throwing his keys down in the counter, he made his way over to you and sat down beside you. Your plan was to not let him know that you knew about the run but as soon as he looked towards you, you cracked.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going up to Tacoma?” 

He looked at you blankly for a couple of seconds before looking over at the TV. 

“Who told you.”   
“Are you going?”   
“Who told you.” 

He looked back over and you stared each other down for a moment. 

“Donut.” 

Happy nodded but went back to watching the movie, not answering your question. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He groaned quietly, running his palms down the front of his thighs as he relaxed against the back of the couch.

“Kozik wants you to stay here.” 

Happy saw the look on your face when he referenced him in the present tense and looked down. He rarely spoke about his deceased brother but when he did, he always seemed to end up talking about him as if he was still here. Usually, he would just stop talking all together but this time he pushed through it, knowing he needed to give you a real answer or you weren’t going to stay put.

“He told me to stay here with you and make sure you’re safe. ‘Take care of her and make sure she stays in Charming’. Those were his orders and that’s what I’m gonna do. I just need to run up to Tacoma for a couple days, I’ll be back soon. If I take you up there, the guys are gonna try and talk you into staying with them and moving back but that’s not what Kozik wanted so I ain’t gonna let that happen. You stay here.” 

You looked down at your lap, not really wanting to argue. You knew he was right and if that’s what Kozik wanted for you then you’d follow his wishes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So. How’s it going with Happy?” 

You looked up at Gemma from your place at the bar as she came up behind you and took a seat to your right. 

“It’s fine.” 

She nodded and took a drag from her cigarette, blowing out the smoke before she spoke again. 

“Are you two…” 

You looked over at her blankly, not really following. Normally she would’ve just come out and said it but she knew you still weren’t completely comfortable with her being in your business yet so she took it easy. 

“Are you together? Are you with him?” Your eyes widened and you shook your head quickly.

“No! No, of course not. We’re close but it’s not like that. Plus, I was with Kozik.” 

Gemma entirely bypassed the first part of your answer, leaning against the bar top and turning to face you more directly. 

“I see how you two are. He always has clean clothes and he never shows up anywhere hungry. You’re taking care of him. And he’s taking care of you. I can see how close your relationship is.”

She stayed quiet for a moment, expecting you to say something but when you didn’t, she continued.

“You trust him and he trusts you. I’m not trying to put shit in your head baby, I’m just saying that you can’t stay alone forever. It’s been almost half a year. You can’t miss out on life because you’re trying to stay loyal to Kozik. Everyone knows how much you loved him and how loyal you are. You don’t have to prove that. He knows. I think he would want you to be happy. I think he’d want you to find someone that was good for you and start living again and I don’t think it was random that he picked Happy to be the one to take care of you in case something happened to him.”

You stayed quiet as you listened to her, taking in what she said. You could tell she didn’t have some hidden agenda, she just wanted you to move on and find happiness again. She knew how Kozik spoke about you, how protective he was over you. She knew he wasn’t going to leave you with anyone he didn’t trust or think would be good to you. Gemma could see how Happy looked at you, always making sure you were ok. Checking to see where you were, if you ate, if you’d cried that day. She’d heard from Clay that Hap had been sleeping in bed with you whenever you had a rough night as well and living almost like a couple apart from sex or anything like that and she couldn’t help but wonder if maybe you’d be Hap’s Old Lady next.


	6. Chapter 6

“Can’t I just go up with you? I’ll come back. I promise I won’t try to stay up there. I just want to see them again. I miss them. They’re still my family.” 

Happy groaned and buried his head into his hands. You’d been after him all day and now that it was the day of his run, you were becoming more and more insistent. He wanted you to stay here in Charming but you didn’t agree and he was losing his patience.

“You’re not going Y/N. That’s it. I’m not gonna talk about it anymore.”

He stood up from his seat on the side of the bed and walked out of the room, you trailing along behind him, teetering on the edge of coming clean as to why you so desperately needed to go back to Tacoma at least this once

“Happy, just listen to me,”   
“I have and it's a no. Kozik wants you to stay here and this is where you’re gonna stay. You’re not coming up to Tacoma with me. Now stop.”

The harsh tone that his voice took and the fire in his eyes as he spun around to glare at you on set something off inside of you and all your pent-up emotions from the last couple of months broke free in waves.

“No! I know he wanted you to take care of me if anything happened and I’m thankful that you have but you don’t own me. I’m not your old lady, I’m not yours period. I don’t belong to anyone. I can do what I want. I’m asking nicely because I know I’d be safer with you but if you won’t take me then I’ll ask Donut to come down and get me. Fuck, I’ll fly out if I have to but I’m going to go back and see my family and see him. I need to see his grave, leave him flowers and tell him how much I love him and that I miss him and I need to clean the house and get our pictures and get his stuff from the dorm and not you, not Gemma, not anyone is going to stop me!”

Your words had spilled out before you even had time to stop it and when you were finally done, hot tears of pure frustration and anguish were gathered in your eyes. As nice as everyone here in Charming was, this wasn’t your home. Not without Kozik. You appreciated that he and Happy had worked out this plan to take care of you but you needed closure.

Donut had held onto all of Kozik’s stuff for you back in Tacoma. Everything. Your old house was completely untouched and had been since Kozik passed away, his old dorm in the clubhouse locked up as well. You’d only been to his gravesite once, the day of the funeral and that was it. Only 2 hours to say goodbye. Only 2 hours to kiss his headstone and cling into it as you wept. You wanted to be there every day, to sit with him every day and you couldn’t because you were stowed away in another state. You tried for these last 6 months to be strong, to pretend that you were doing fine. You’d lied to Donut, told him you didn’t want anything in the house but he knew that was a lie and had kept it for you. In your call yesterday though, he’d informed you that your time was up.

“The house is being foreclosed. The realtors need it cleared out by the end of the week or they’re going to go in and throw everything away so they can sell it again. All of his stuff is gonna be tossed out. I need to be there Happy. I need to go and get his stuff.”

He stared at you with wide eyes as you broke down, all your walls of feigned acceptance crumbling down around you until you were the same broken girl from the first day of his death. You’d never gotten closure, he and all of SAMCRO had unknowingly held you from getting it and he felt guilt rising up inside of him. He sighed and reached forward, pulling you into his chest and running a soothing hand up and down your back as you sobbed.

“I just miss him so much Hap. Why’d he have to go jump in front of that bullet? What about me? Didn’t he think about me? Why did he have to leave me alone like this? I shouldn’t have come down here. I should’ve stayed at home waiting for him.”

Happy felt his own throat tighten as he listened to you let it all out. He didn’t know that you’d be holding in so much. He was only trying to follow Kozik’s wishes and keep you down here but he never thought about the fact that you had nothing to remember him by with you down here and he felt like shit for constantly cutting you off and not letting you talk. Knitting his hand in your hair, he pulled your face away from his chest and looked down at you.

“You can come. I’ll take you with me. We’ll stay up there until you get everything handled. I promise.”

You looked up at him through red and watery eyes, a weak smile in your lips.

The killer smiled lightly in return, releasing you from his embrace and wiping away your tears with his thumb.

“Go get packed. We only have 2 hours to be out of here.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You smiled as you looked down at the photo album in your hands, flipping through the pages and recalling the memories. You finished looked over the pictures in that page and turned to the next, catching movement out of the corner of your eye. Happy was standing at the doorway, leaning against the frame and watching you. You smiled at him and shifted the book so he could see it.

“This was the day he became Srgt. At Arms. He was so fucking happy. Look at that smile.” You grinned yourself as you looked down at the picture, his smile still managing to light up your world. Happy watched you, watched how just a picture of Kozik was enough to make your face brighten up and he wondered, for the first time since he was a teenager, what it would feel like to be in love like that. He wondered how it must feel to love someone so much that just a picture was enough to warm your heart. The feeling passed quickly though and he cleared his throat, pulling you out of your memories.

“Do you want me to go pick up dinner?”   
“No, that’s ok. I’ll cook.”

Happy simply nodded, stretching his hand down to help you up. You grabbed on and let him pull you, coming to stand in front of him. Standing face to face, you stayed looking at each other for a couple seconds before you leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his right cheek before pulling away and walking past him to get dinner started. He stood there motionless for a second, the feeling of your lips still lingering on his skin. With a shake of his head though, he followed along behind you. He knew the kiss was meant to say thank you, nothing more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I think I’m gonna head off to bed Hap. I’m exhausted.”

Happy looked away from the cartoons playing on the television to see you standing at the entrance to your old bedroom, looking at him. He nodded and stood up, turning off the tv. “Oh no, I wasn’t saying for you to go. You can stay if you want. I was just saying good night.”

He nodded but stayed standing silently in the same spot. You could tell what he was thinking and nodded, a light smile on your face.

“I’ll be ok. I think I need it. I think I need to be…alone. You can stay though. I mean just alone for the night, to sleep.”

He nodded again, thankful that you extended the offer because truthfully, he wasn’t going to let you stay completely alone.

“The guest room is all set. I cleaned up, put new sheets. There are fresh towels in the bathroom if you wanna shower.” 

With that, you pulled away from the wall and walked up to him, wrapping your arms around him firmly.

“Thank you Happy. For everything. For letting me come with you, for helping me clean, for calling the realtors. You’ve made this so much easier on me. You’re my best friend. I love you.” 

You pulled away and started walking back over towards your room, knowing that he never said it back, even if it was just a friendly proclamation. He surprised you this time though.

“You’re welcome. I love you too.”

You turned to look at him and grinned, arching a brow playfully.

“Wow! Look who’s gone soft. Showing emotions and shit.” You both laughed, bringing back the usual jovial atmosphere and he shook his head.

“Get to bed, smart ass.”


	7. Chapter 7

“That it?”

You looked around the living room, the walls baren and the room empty. All the pictures of you and Kozik along with the MC were backed up and put away in the truck. This house had held a lot of memories and had become a home. Kozik was what had made it home though, and now with him gone, you knew it was time to move on. The house was now just that, a house. FOur walls with a roof to cover and that was it. It was the memories in your heart and the items in your boxes that mattered. You’d miss the place sure, but it was time to move on. Kozik had said for you to move on. FOr you to keep going, to be happy and to live. Admittedly, you hadn’t been doing that lately, keeping everything bottled up inside until it spilled over. You were ever grateful for Happy and the fact that he’d been there to comfort you. You felt refreshed now, the weight of your pain a little lighter and gathering up the memories of your Old Man had definitely helped. With a nod, you looked back at Happy, your first true smile in days. 

“Yeah. That’s it.”

He smiled lightly as well and nodded, motioning for you to come. With one last look around the house, you followed Happy outside, the last items of the house that you were taking being loaded up by Tacoma Sons. Happy threw an arm around your shoulder, walking out with you to the truck. 

“How’re you feeling?”

You smile came back and you leaned into him softly. 

“Better. Not 100%, but I do feel better. Probably had to do with that breakdown and threatening you.”

You both laughed and Happy nodded, pulling open the door of the truck. 

“Whatever works.”

You nodded and climbed in, sitting on the seat facing out towards the door. 

“I just want to thank you Happy. I know this just kinda got sprung on you. Usually, when someone tells another person to take care of their girl should they die, it’s usually just a saying. None of us were expecting it to really happen and even still, you kept your word. You kept up your side of the deal and took me in, kept me safe, tried your best to keep me sane. You went above and beyond when you really didn’t have to. I know I pushed you away and treated you like shit sometimes and you still stayed by me. That means a lot to me and I know it means a lot to Koz. He loved you. If there was anyone he would trust me with, it was you. I’m sure you made him proud.” 

You had tears in your eyes by the time you finished your monologue, but they weren’t of heartbreak the way they had been for the last couple of months. You meant every word you said and it was the truth. There couldn’t have been a better person to take care of you and look after you than Happy. Kozik had known that and even in the event of his own death, he had made it a point to assure you were taken care of. Happy had definitely lived up to his role. He nodded and smiled himself. 

“It’s been tough. Not because I don’t know how to protect you or take care of you, but I sometimes don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to make it stop hurting. I try though. I know he’s proud of you too. He’s proud of how strong you’ve been, how you’ve taken care of yourself and get right back up even when you fall. Shit, I’m proud of you.”

You both shared a laugh and then stayed quiet. Happy broke the silence. 

“So, are you gonna come back to Charming with me or…”

You looked down at your lap for a bit before looking out of the truck window to see Donut and the prospect done with the truck and standing off to the side. With a sigh, you looked back at Happy and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t hoping you would decide to come back to Charming with him. 

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, what?”

“Yeah, I’m going back with you. That’s where Kozik wanted me and truthfully, I’ve gotten used to everyone down there. Even Tig. I’m used to the way things are running and I’ve already got the apartment. I’m all set up down there. You’re down there,”

You trailed off, hoping that you had gotten your point across. 

“I’ll miss being around here but I can always come and visit. Charming is just…starting to feel like home.” 

Your smile was faint as you looked back over at Happy. 

“I’m going back.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You can go ahead and set it down right there baby.”

You placed the cherry pie down onto the counter where Gemma pointed and turned back around to face her, that smile of hers already on her lips and her arms outstretched to you. You smiled bashfully and placed yourself in her embrace, wrapping your arms around her middle as she wrapped hers around your shoulders, your head on her shoulder. She held you to her and smoothed her hand over your hair as she pulled away, taking your face into her hands and pressing a kiss to your forehead. 

“We’re glad you’re back. We would’ve understood if you chose to stay up there with them, but we were really hoping you’d come back to us.” 

You nodded in her grasp and placed your hands over hers. 

“Thank you, Gemma. I thought about it, but you guys just really made me feel at home here, even when you didn’t have to. Even when I wasn’t the nicest. I can see why Kozik wanted me here with you guys. Thanks for inviting me to Sunday dinner again.” 

The Queen pouted and brought you into her chest again. 

“You’re family just as much as he was baby.”

With a nod, you both separated and she looked down at the pie you brought. 

“Oh, the boys are gonna love that.” 

She tossed an arm around your shoulder and started walking into the living room, her hand squeezing your shoulder. 

“So, you and Hap?” 

You both laughed as you made your way to the couch. 

“You’re not gonna let that go are you?”

Gemma shrugged and sat down beside you. 

“I’m just sayin’. I say the two of you would be good together. You take everything at your own pace and don’t do something you don’t want to. It would be good for you to have someone though. Him too. An Old Lady would do him some good.” 

The both of you were quiet for a bit before she spoke again. 

“When John died, I was devastated. He had been away and spent a lot of time in places he shouldn’t, with people he shouldn’t leaving me with Jax and a sick baby and even still when he died I was heartbroken. He was my husband. The father of my children. He was the only man I had ever truly known. I was with him when I was young, all I knew was him. After losing Tommy, to lose him too was,”

She trailed off, looking off somewhere far away before she brought herself back. 

“Anyways, I knew that I couldn’t stay like that forever. I couldn’t wither away in mourning for him. I loved him. But you don’t become an Old Lady by being a wimp. You have to be strong, resilient. You know a thing or two about that.” 

She nodded over towards you and you smiled softly. 

“This life isn’t always fair. Sometimes as women we get dealt cards that we don’t have a clue how to play, but we play em, because that’s the only choice we’ve got. I’ll say it again: It ain’t a coincidence that Kozik wanted you to be here with Happy. He didn’t pick where you’d be and who you’d be with out of a hat. He thought about it. He asked himself what life he wanted you to live should he not be a part of it anymore and this was what he wanted. You trust his judgment?” 

“Of course.”

“Then know that this is what he wanted for you. To move on. To be happy. To keep living, for both of you. Getting with Clay was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done in my life, and it’s also been one of the most rewarding. I still think about JT every day, just like I know you think about Kozik, but we can’t let our past stop us from having a future.” 

She kept her eyes on yours intently, the timer on the kitchen stove going off and she finally stood, patting the top of your head before leaving you on your own to go and check on the food. You sat there by yourself, thinking about what she said. You and Kozik had spoken numerous times about what he wanted to happen should he die but it had always just been a conversation. It came from somewhere though and now you could see that. He knew you would be safe with SAMCRO. He knew you would be safe and protected and loved. You looked over at the table, Happy and Tig going back and forth together over something and you realized that while the club had helped tremendously, it was Happy that had done the work. It was Happy that had held you through the night when you cried yourself to sleep, it was Happy that was with you whenever you were feeling down, it was Happy that took you to get closure and both bury and visit your husband. It was him. 

You thought back to all the times Kozik had said it. 

‘When I die, you gotta move on. Not sit around moping. I’ll haunt you if you do. I’m serious. Get a new dude, make a life with him. I don’t care who, just not Tig.’ 

You had laughed together about it, but like Gemma said, it had to have come from somewhere. You know he didn’t want you couped up all alone until your own funeral. He wanted you to live and be happy. You could see yourself happy, with Happy. Gemma could read people. She could see something that neither of you saw and with your eyes still on Happy, you realized that maybe she was right. Maybe the two of you could be happy together. 

“Alright kids, come sit.” 

You broke out of your thought bubble as you heard Gemma’s voice, her placing the last dish onto the dining room table. You stood and made your way over, Happy pulling out a chair for you. Sitting down, you waited for Happy to sit beside you, everyone settling into their seats. With the sound of chairs scooting and talking in the room, you reached out and took Happy’s hand in yours under the table. He looked over at you, thinking you were only trying to get his attention. When you kept your hand there though, he locked his eyes with yours and searched before he smiled softly and nodded, his hand squeezing yours back.


End file.
